


Dreaming, or Something Like That

by JaneNyx



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety but not terrible, College, M/M, Rating will most certainly go up ;), Supernatural Beings, Vivid/lucid dreams, not gonna put much here cause SPOILERS BUT WILL UPDATE
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 04:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13356288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneNyx/pseuds/JaneNyx
Summary: College is hard. Life in general is hard. So, when Yuuri hits an all time low after completing a particularly hard class, he gets a huge surprise.Ugh. I suck at summaries so just ignore that nonsense. I'll write a better one when this is close to being finished.





	1. Come Back to Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sola_The_Demon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sola_The_Demon/gifts).



> SO, I make absolutely no promises on when this will be updated. College is a load of crap and gives me extreme anxiety. Like Yuuri in this work, who I put ALOT of myself into, I am a nervous wreck when it comes to school. I DO PLAN ON FINISHING IT EVENTUALLY. I doubt Sola would let me just leave it at this cliff hanger anyways. 
> 
> ANYWAYS. 
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SOULMATE, MY BEST FRIEND AND THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH I'M A FEW HOURS EARLY.

    Dreams were a constant for Yuuri. They were vivid in nearly every way, from the detail of the setting to the plots and pathways they took. Not to mention he could remember every single one of them as if they were a recent memory. Nightmares were none existent, thankfully. Most of the time he couldn’t tell if he was awake or not when a dream began. He shuddered at the thought of a nightmare.

    At times he found himself wondering if anyone else had dreams like these, but he never got around to asking. He didn’t need another reason to feel different. The dreams weren’t hurting anything, so why take a chance and ruin the one good constant in his life?

    Well… maybe that was unfair to say. His mother and father were there and so was Phichit, their presence was always a happy and supportive one. The problem was Yuuri with all the negativity he directed at himself and couldn’t seem to shake. On a few occasions he had tried to explain it to them, though it wasn’t long into that conversation that he realized they didn’t understand. And that wasn’t their fault, far from it. He was a walking list of contradictions and he knew it.

    He was determined and a hard worker. His grades were near perfect, he worked part time at the hot springs to help his family any way he could. The rest of his time was spent sleeping or studying, mostly in his room with the door shut tight. He was good at ice skating, but that was something he had abandoned in high school. He was good at playing piano, but that had been abandoned as well. Those things wouldn’t make him successful in life, he had decided. According to anyone else, he was phenomenal at everything he set his mind to and, deep down, he knew it. Though there was always this thick black cloud of doubt that had taken up residence in his mind and heart. It crept along after him everywhere he went, threatening to catch up and smother whatever good feeling he had managed to hold onto.

    Every mistake he made, no matter how small, weighed on him. Mistakes prodded his anxiety and anxiety made his heart race. It filled him with uncertainty and near unbearable sadness. He was good at the things he did, but he didn’t _feel_ good, physically or mentally. He knew he could be successful in life, but he didn’t _feel_ like that was possible. Like the dreams, that weight had become constant, always there with varying amounts of intensity. That cloud became suffocating anytime he did less than the expectations he had set for himself. Most said he was too hard on himself when they caught a glimpse of what he felt inside, what he hid behind a mask of quiet confidence. He didn’t feel confident, but it was better to let others think that.

    So he wouldn’t infect them with this dark cloud.

    He knew his family had noticed when he had become more and more withdrawn. It began after they had moved so long ago, progressively getting worse and worse as he moved through the grades of school. Eventually this new behavior had become normal and the hovering had slowly faded.

    Once he had met his now best friend, Phichit would pick up on the seemingly random bouts of depression and constant, relentless worrying. He thought he had been hiding it well enough but he soon learned nothing escaped the other boy. Though he didn’t necessarily understand, Phichit never pressed for him to explain. Instead he did what he could and offered distraction. His friend tried his best to help, he really did.

     After a rough exam the other boy would tempt Yuuri with a night over in his dorm with promise of movies and snacks. That had been the pattern up until this last semester when he had first started declining the invitations. He knew Phichit had been worried, and probably still was. He gave the excuse of being too busy studying, which was true in a way. The biology class they were in was hard, harder than any other class Yuuri had taken. In his mind, Yuuri reasoned that if he happened to fail and he had spent time doing anything but studying, then it was his fault. If he gave it his all… maybe he could accept the failure. Now, at the end of the semester, he and his friend were cramming for their last final which just so happen to be for the biology class.

    His phone chimed, pulling him out of his thoughts. Phichit had sent him a video of a cat riding a Roomba. He smiled marginally, typing out a quick response before turning back to his notes with an exhausted sigh. Outside, snow was falling in plump, covering flakes. Hopefully his final would be canceled tomorrow and moved to a later date, but he didn’t have high expectations. He shifted to get comfortable, the papers strewn about around him crinkling in quiet protest as he rubbed his eyes. Sleep was probably a good idea, his mind had gone fuzzy quite some time ago. He reasoned that he wouldn’t be able to do his best if he wasn’t well rested. At least tomorrow was his very last final, then school would be over with until the end of winter break, he thought to himself.

    At least he had his dreams.

    In the times he was most worried or stressed, he would dream. They never failed to calm him, letting him wake in the morning well rested. It was peculiar how they even seemed to fight off the looming darkness of his anxiety, but he didn’t question it. Jinxing himself seemed entirely possible.

    After filing away his notes into their respected binders, Yuuri folded his glasses and neatly set them on his nightstand before switching off the lamp. As he curled up under his warm, thick blankets, he pondered the content of the dream that would surely come. The last had been of fairies that collected snowflakes and framed them on their walls, the time before that it had been of himself ice skating with… someone. Another thing that seemed peculiar about the dreams was the constant feeling of another presence. He couldn’t put his finger on it; he never saw anyone, but he could feel them. Having had these dreams all his life, he had grown to simply ignore it. It didn’t feel threatening, it was quite the opposite actually. In his dreams he felt safe, warm and free. He felt happy there and lately, he often wished he could just stay asleep and dream forever.

    The wind picked up outside and a heavy feeling settled over his eyes, pulling him from the waking world with a gentle tenderness.

* * *

    Colors bloomed in a night sky, painting pastel scenes that moved, danced and whirled before his eyes. Yuuri swore he could feel the plush grass he was laying in brush against his cheeks as a warm breeze caressed the few expanses of his exposed skin. Above, stars twinkled and beamed down, shining through a pair of deer playing. The lights they were made of were blue and pink in color, shimmering with every movement as they danced and played. White pinpoints of light fell around the deer, reminding Yuuri of snow. The pink deer pranced with its head held high, dark maroon legs contrasting sharply with the now snowy field he twirled in. The blue one seemed calmer, content to watch the other tempt him to join in his performance.

    He, Yuuri thought. They were both male, which should have been obvious by the antlers that shown bright like moonbeams but oddly enough, it wasn’t because of the horns. He just knew. The scene continued to play out as he looked on with fascination. Both of the deer were so graceful and elegant, but on closer inspection Yuuri realized the blue one seemed to be more carefully crafted. Huh. Its coat glittered ever so slightly more than the other, its horns put off more light and its eyes held a gentle kindness. While the other was just as beautiful, he lacked something. Or maybe it was an emotion he saw there. Longing, maybe?

    When the larger pink deer finally seemed to settle, he bounced up to the slighter of the two, gently touching his nose to the others.

    The sight filled Yuuri with an odd but pleasant feeling. Somehow, he felt connected to the deer, as if one were an extension of himself. The other, he felt like he should know. It reminded him of someone… familiar. Just as he realized he should recognize the other deer, he sensed that presence near him, stronger than he could ever remember it being. Yuuri frowned and sat up, looking around for whatever it was.

    A glimpse of silver was the last thing he saw before the dream changed.

* * *

 

    The next day passed by in a blur. Few things stood out. Phichit’s smile and laugh, wishing Yuuri luck before the test began. The scratch of pencils. A cold breeze and the taste of bitter coffee on the walk home. Then, suddenly, Yuuri was in bed again.

    Worrying.

    Luckily, the worry and racing heart beat had been tame enough to be shoved down and to the back of Yuuri’s mind as he plowed his way through the test with all of the other students. His dreams received the credit for that. He should be relieved, he told himself. The test hadn’t been that hard. Whatever grade he made, it wouldn’t be a failing one. It was over now. Classes, tests, reports. It was all over.

    And yet, he was still worrying.

    Winter break had officially begun and with it should come joy and time spent with family and friends. The only problem was that Yuuri was already thinking ahead to next semester.

    Would it be more of the same? A constant struggle? Sleepless nights before every exam? It was almost certain his mind said, insisting that nothing would change. Struggles would get harder, not easier.

    As the minutes turned into hours Yuuri’s train of thought continued on its dark track, sluggish in its journey through dark and haunted forests. The places it wandered in were inhabited by black shadows and venomous monsters who threatened to drag Yuuri farther and farther into himself.

    People passed in the hall, maybe his mother had called for him. Maybe not. Either way, Yuuri did not answer, too lost within his head.

    That was, until an insistent tapping became annoying enough to finally draw him back to a coherent state. Blinking, he sat up slowly, looking at first to his door when the tapping came again. No, the sound wasn’t that of anyone knocking on his door frame… It sounded like something banging on glass.. Yuuri’s eyes found his window.

    The room was silent, Yuuri’s confusion filling the space the sound left behind. Convinced he was losing his mind, he started to lay back down with a tired sigh. For once, he didn’t think of the dreams, his thoughts too dark to allow for any light to shine through. Then, _tap tap tap_. Startled, he jerked back up, gaze darting to the window once more.

    Nothing.

    Now his heart was racing for a whole new reason. Something was making that noise. A murderer seemed the most likely thing to be tapping at his window this late in the night. No normal or sane person would go around tapping at windows. Plus, it was freezing outside. Snow and ice was falling from the sky and someone was crazy enough to be running around in it.

    **_Tap._**

    The one loud and demanding sound had Yuuri stumbling to his feet, eyes wide and locked on his ice encrusted window.

    Instinct told him to run. Some morbid curiosity prodded him to go forward.

    Self-preservation thrown to the icy wind, he inched forward not unlike an animal of prey cautiously investigating some new aspect of its territory. So, when he was mere feet from the object of his suspicion and a large pale hand smacked flat against the glass, it was not a surprise that he jumped clean across his room with the most unflattering squeak.


	2. Let Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slightly early Valentine gift :D 
> 
> Questions, questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update, HOLY SHIT. It's the power of love.
> 
> Also, Sola, I know you'll get the reference in the dream :D look at me being lazy xD

    A pale face whose features were blurred by the frost on the glass appeared next to the hand, peering in at a similarly frozen Yuuri.

    “Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! The wind is a bit rough.”

    This was it. Yuuri had lost his mind. Or at least, that’s what he thought as he watched in horror as the hand was pulled away from the glass, the face turning upside down. Was this person _floating?_ This wasn’t real. People didn’t float. They didn’t tap on windows in the early hours of the morning and they certainly didn’t _float_.

    “Yuuri?”

    The boy jolted from his shock, stumbling back a step and into his desk as the person spoke again.

    “I’ve scared you.” The person said, distress obvious in their voice. “Won’t you let me come in and apologize properly? You were just so sad and I couldn’t help it! I had to make sure you were okay and-“

    _“Who are you?”_ Yuuri blurted out once his brain had finally processed the fact that this person was upside down.

    The person, a man, Yuuri determined with his now functioning brain, made some sort of dramatic whine, righting himself. “You don’t remember me! I mean, I knew you probably wouldn’t; it was so long ago! But I hoped...” He whined once more, his hand finding the window again as the wind gave an irritable gust.

    This was perhaps the strangest thing Yuuri could remember having ever happened to him. What did one do in this situation? Let this peculiar man in? He had started rambling again, but Yuuri wasn’t paying attention. To let a floating man into your room or to not let a floating man into your room?

    Well, he seemed harmless, despite the fact he was floating. And it was freezing out. It didn’t look like he was wearing a coat… Reasons to let him in bounced around in Yuuri’s head, fighting a silent war against the opposing reasons as he gazed out with a furrowed brow. The man had quieted, his lower lip stuck out as if that would help persuade Yuuri to let him in.

    It worked, eventually drawing the boy forward when he could take the pitiful look no longer. The situation was crazy enough, why not add to it and actually let him into his room.

    The window slid open with a puff snow shoved in by the angry wind and the man _drifted in_ , much to Yuuri’s hesitant fascination. He was tall, taller than Yuuri, his hair silver instead of white as he had first thought. The frosted window had obscured most of his attractive features- best shut that line of thought down before it started.

    A bright smile lit up his face, the window sliding shut behind him on its own accord. The quiet thud startled Yuuri into taking a couple steps back towards his bed. The added space between them did nothing to deter the enthusiasm on the man’s face as he sank gently down through the air to sit on the floor.

    “I-I let you in, now tell me who you are. Please.” Yuuri crossed his arms over his chest as if to hide how his timid voice wavered.

    “Viktor.” The name struck a chord in Yuuri, it was familiar, like a childhood friend he had lost touch with.

    “And… why can you float?” He couldn’t be dreaming, he was never nervous in his dreams.

     Viktor tapped his finger tip against his bottom lip in thought. “Ah.. I’m not really sure. I’ve always been able to do that. You used to get so frustrated when we played tag.” He smiled up at Yuuri, blue eyes shining with fondness. “We had to make a rule that I couldn’t go higher than you could reach.”

     “I…” Memories stirred, just past the point of clarity. Before his family had moved to the hot springs, he had had a friend that he would play with…

    “You’re remembering!” Viktor wiggled in a way that reminded Yuuri of an overexcited puppy. “We played tag and would build forts and put puzzles together. My hair was a lot longer then,” His finger returned to tapping at the corner of his mouth in thought. “That might be why you don’t recognize me… But I don’t look that different. Hmm…”

    Yuuri’s features tightened with an oncoming head ache. Who was this? The friend he had had to leave behind? He sat down, or rather fell back, onto his bed, silencing the rambling person sitting cross legged in his floor.

    “Yuuri?” Concern was thick within the single word as he leaned forward. He spoke softly now. “I’m very sorry I scared you, but you weren’t listening, and I was worried about you.”

    A tired sigh left Yuuri’s parted lips. Hadn’t he dealt with enough today?

    “Why don’t you sleep, I can tell you more in the morning.” That gentle tug towards unconsciousness returned with Viktor’s suggestion, drawing his eyes closed. It felt different to Yuuri this time, almost draining. “I won’t hurt you, I swear it.” He believed the promise, unaware of his resolve weakening ever so slightly.

    He opened his eyes to find Viktor watching him intently. He might have found it creepy if he hadn’t been so tired.

    “Can I stay? I’ll stay on the floor.” There was hope in his voice and expression, giving Yuuri the distinct feeling that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he threw him back out into the cold. It would be like kicking a puppy.

    And he didn’t have the answers he wanted.

    “…I guess.” Again, why not add to the insanity?

    Viktor beamed, practically vibrating with happiness. “Thank you, thank you!” He paused, then seemed to force himself into a calmer state. Even in his current state, Yuuri could tell it was barely contained. “Sleep now, we can talk in the morning.”

    Before he knew it, Yuuri was sound asleep, dreaming. 

* * *

 

    A silver stallion played in the stars, rearing and prancing through them happily as Yuuri watched from below. Nestled in a warm den woven from the tall grasses surrounding him, he realized he was not human in this dream. That information didn’t weight on him though, he was content to watch the beautiful horse above him dance to some unheard tune.

    It felt so warm and safe in his nest, it was as though it were made specifically for him. Not a single blade popped free to tickle at his sides. It was perfect, this dream, lulling him to sleep despite his bodies current state of unconsciousness.

     Just as he was closing his eyes, warm breath ghosted over his face. The horse had climbed down from the heavens to stand over him, a fact that Yuuri was not concerned with. The stallion made a low sound, one Yuuri wasn’t familiar with, then did… something rather odd with its lips to make a popping sound. The sight was ridiculous enough to pull him back from the edges of this dream world.

     “Yuuri..”

      He raised his head, looking to the horse for an explanation. As if the beast could talk.

     “Yuuri.”

     He looked up, then around before a knocking pulled him quickly from the land of fantasy.

     A gentle knocking chipped the rest of the dream away, his mother’s voice sounding from the other side of his door.

     “Yes, mom?” His voice was rough with sleep, a quick glance at his clock told him it was midmorning.

    “Your father and I are going out for a bit, we should be back in a few hours.”

     “Alright.”

     The conversation was short, but that had become the usual for them. Studying had taken up most of his time and they generally chose not to interrupt. Her footsteps retreated, a minute later the front door closed.

     Yuuri stretched, then rubbed his eyes with a yawn. A gentle weight settled at the foot of his bed, drawing his attention. When his eyes found wide blue ones he jumped, heart racing in his chest as the memories from the night before came rushing back. A hand went to his chest, as if he were trying to slow the furious beating. So all of that had been real.

     “Goodmorning, Yuuri!” Viktor leaned forward, a wide smile plastered on his face. “Did you like your dream? Did you know it was me? It’s so fun taking an animal form, there’s so many possibilities!”

     Wait… Had Viktor been the horse? He took a deep breath, trying to wrap his head around this information. Had this man been responsible for all his dream? Was that why they were always so vivid and lucid?

    “I make all your dreams.” He puffed his chest out proudly, sitting up straighter as he answered the unspoken question. “And I made sure you were well rested and-“

    “ _How?_ ” How was that possible? Just what was Viktor?

    A thoughtful look crossed his features. “Oh, it’s just what I do.”

    “Then why?”

    “Because I want to take care of you.” He sounded so sincere in that moment it was impossible not to believe him. “After you moved, it was really hard to get your attention... you were very sad and nervous after that so… I made dreams for you. I would have tried get your attention so we could play but I couldn’t come in and you didn’t play outside anymore.”

    At Yuuri’s confused look, he continued. “You don’t have a welcome mat.”

    What?

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick rant, WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T AO3 LET ME COPY AND PASTE INTO IT'S TEXT BOX THINGY? To be fair, it's probably some error on my part but until I figure this shit out; THE FUCK?!?!?


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